Ohhhh man….this morning was awful! When I woke up, I got up to go to the bathroom like I usually do, and I looked down to check my wound dressing, and it was a different color! It was not white gauze! It was dark. I instantly knew what had happened. My ostomy appliance had failed AGAIN and leaked over night. In the almost 5 years I had my ostomy from 2011-2015 I had ONE leak! ONE! And now all of a sudden I’ve had 2 in the last week and one before that! What the hell?!
Now this wasn’t just a tiny leak, the wafer had completely lost its seal. The only reason that I didn’t wake up covered in stool was thanks to my wound dressing. I tend to put way too much tape on it because I don’t want it to come off. Well, since its taped over the edge of my wafer, the gauze and tape actually held all the stool in. the good part of this was that I didn’t have a huge mess in my bed to clean up, and it didn’t get on my clothes, but the bad part was that my wound was essentially marinating in stool for who knows how long. This terrifies me!! I have been through so so much with that stupid wound that I don’t need it to get infected from the bacteria in stool! Luckily, only a very tiny part is still open, the rest has finally scared. But I’m still pretty paranoid that something is gonna happen to make it open back up again, or get infected.
I pretty much immediately burst into an ugly cry, sobbing as I gathered my supplies to shower and change my pouch. With the river of tears streaming down my face, I peel off the wafer, and after I got the tape part off my skin, it pretty much just fell off. THATS how bad it was, the wax part of it wasn’t even stuck to me at all. And of course once I got it off, Ralph (my stoma) erupted everywhere! Went all down my leg and onto the floor, thankfully I always put a towel on the floor when I change my pouch, in the event that that happens. But of course this just makes me cry even more.
At this point Cody heard me sobbing and cussing and came in the bathroom to comfort me, and turned the shower on for me.
Let me tell you, I used up all the damn hot water! I didn’t want to get out, I didn’t want to deal with Ralph anymore, and I didn’t want to put a new pouch on. I had only just gotten up, and I was already completely defeated and broken.
Thankfully Ralph behaved while I was getting my new pouch on, and I decided to change up how I put the pouch on. Instead of using a putty like ring that goes on my skin, around the stoma before the wafer, I decided not to use that and use the paste instead. The paste can help protect my skin, like the ring does, just a different consistency. It also helps “glue” the wafer to my skin better….at least that’s what its supposed to do…I guess we shall see how it works.
Reflecting on my morning and how upset I was that I hat to deal with leaks and changing my pouch twice this week already, I thought of all my Crohnies, and my girls with guts sisters, how some of them get leaks all the time, almost every day, and sometimes several times a day. All I could think was “how the hell do they do this?! They are so much stronger than I am!”. I suppose if it happens all the time you get used to it and it becomes a new normal…but I sure hope that’s not the case for me!
Fortunately my day got much better when Cody and I got to have lunch with a couple that we haven’t seen in almost a year! We got to catch up for a couple hours, and then on the way home Cody and I stopped for ice cream!